Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
