this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Im part way to drunk.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
