Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
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Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
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I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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