Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
