It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
