You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
