like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
