I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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