We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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