kristin has been a bad kristin
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
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i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
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you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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