No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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