someone threw a dead crab at me
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
