i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
