Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
My nipple is on Facebook.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
