Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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