I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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