Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
