I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You're a waste of cheezeits
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
