We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
