someone threw a dead crab at me
I didn't shave. On purpose
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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