yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
