he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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