I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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