he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
