I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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