but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
