I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
