Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
