Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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