cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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