At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I could make wine with my vomit
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
