"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
