We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
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his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
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Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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