I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
