May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
time to smoke my breakfast
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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