Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
