You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
