I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
