my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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