I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
