I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Floor bacon is actually really good
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
