Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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