He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
