a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
