i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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