Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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