I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
