well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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