Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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