Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
