Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
