Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
