Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
