I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
