i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
