you're like a bully in the Christmas story
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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