He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
