Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
It's just like the Real World with babies
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
